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The Worst Things Goat Simulator 3 Made Us Do
By ARRON KLUZ
Bazooka Granny
At the beginning of “Goat Simulator 3,” players encounter the grandma who guards a collectible in a chicken coop with a yarn-launching bazooka. The game encourages players to “take her out,” and doing so will unlock the basement of the Seedson Homestead, which houses a "Wolfenstein"-esque level, complete with a small army of yarn bazooka-wielding grannies.
Banana Cannibalism
If players go to the food factory, they can complete a puzzle that turns humans into horrifying monsters that resemble giant bananas with long tongues, no arms, and bulging eyes that run around town. Players themselves can also become a banana monster and earn a cannibalism-themed achievement by eating any of the smaller bananas scattered around the map.
Atomic Bombs
At the top of the town’s water tower is a secret door that opens to an observation room with scientists and three buttons. The buttons control the latitude and longitude and launch of a nuclear bomb, which players can send out into the ocean to explode — or, if the directional buttons are pressed too much, the bomb can be sent into the town to obliterate the area.
Alien Invitation
There are three power plants scattered around the map of “Goat Simulator 3” that each include a 5G tower that can be powered up by running a current through some generators. Each emits a bright green light that connects to the top of a skyscraper downtown, and lighting each one triggers a cutscene that shows three massive UFOs surrounding the building.
A Ruined Lunch
“Goat Simulator” has a habit of punishing construction workers sitting in high places, and “Goat Simulator 3” is no exception. Players can take control of a crane that is holding a steel beam that a group of workers are eating their lunch on, and the game encourages them to swing the crane back and forth until all of the workers have presumably fallen to their death.
